At times I think very highly of myself. I mean, am a very optimistic person. (Well... Maybe in a heavy dose!) I believe in God and his tricks. And I make friends quite easily. To be frank, I guess that’s one of my traits am very proud of. But I guess that’s one thing I should be very careful about too. (God alone knows who all to trust!) I am a very friendly person. I have a hell lot of friends. They are my greatest treasure. I always try to do everything (and anything) under my control to keep them happy. Yet I hurt them. There was this instance when I had a very big misunderstanding with one of my best friends. I avoided him for how long, I have got no idea. I averted my eyes whenever he came into my sight. I kept my distance from him. Even though it ate me from within not to talk to him, I was adamant. Later on, we sorted out the problems between us. The fights between us have never lasted long. (Thank God!) It was one of those days that he came to me and gave me his pen-drive. There was this message from him which moved my heart. He had written it while we were at the fight.
Nothing much these days… Just a weird feeling there in my heart, a feeling of something seriously bad is going to happen. I am not happy, I miss my best friend. She is now not talking to me properly, I seriously don’t know the reason, I might have done something that eventually made her upset but then she won’t tell me either. Am I that bad now or is my value in her life going down? I don’t want her to love me as a lover but I want her to care about me as a best friend, at least, like I do about her. I seriously do miss her in my life, be it for a second, a minute or even an hour, her very own thought makes me jump off my feet out of joy. Now when I think of her I feel sad, the absence of her is creeping inside me like a dark night. I love her as my best friend I don’t want anything else from her but her friendship. One and a half year and I’ll be gone from this place, I don’t know whether people will remember me or not I seriously don’t know and I seriously don’t care.
All I want from God is that she never forgets me. I don’t know what I will do; I am clenched by this feeling… Every time she is not talking to me I am paralyzed, not able to do anything… All I can do is to feel. I feel her in my every breath, every heart beat, and every blink of my eyes. The trauma, the agony, I don’t know how long will I be able to handle these, I will give up one day. The pain is piling in my heart, I am afraid it will burst out one day, which I don’t want to happen but I am not able to prevent it from making me hollow from inside. I have thought of smoking and drinking to ease out my anxiety, which is entangling me, but then she comes in front of me, her face, the smile, the voice, the promise which I made to her, it all flashes in my mind. Is there in any end to this thing? I am tired of asking her to love me. I can’t force anyone to love me… I guess I have to learn, even if it has to be the hard way. All my wishes to her… Let my all happiness be hers and all her sorrows are mine. I love you, you are my world and I am incomplete without your friendship… You are the part which solves the puzzle of my life. I can live without food and water for days but I won’t last a minute without you… You are my friend forever. You are the special friend whom I have always dreamt of.
Dear Friend... Just want you to know... Even though we have fought (the number of times being ENDLESS!) I have always wanted you back. I can find only one reason for that. I am INCOMPLETE without you – your smile (which can turn the world right for me), your innocence (which is the purest I have ever seen), your support (without which I would have fallen long before), your love (which is unconditional), your friendship (which is unremitting) and above all, your firm belief in me. Thank You.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
A DIARY ENTRY
17-12-2008
Wednesday
Today was a hectic day. Almost everyone in my hostel room had gone home for the ‘fun-filled’ study leave. One of my friends, Lakshmi and me were the only ones left out. After the day’s tiring class, we decided to go for shopping. We were to go home the very next day. It didn’t bother us in the slightest that we were going through a tough phase of ‘recession’ ourselves. She had some 300 Rupees with her whereas I had a meagre 200 with me. As erratic as we were with our money-spending strategies, she decided it would be better to keep a 100 safe at hostel so as to get back home safe and sound. I meekly followed her. Mainly because I didn’t trust myself when it came to spending money. After the safe-keeping of the money, we headed straight to the nearest shopping complex.
It was a huge building with numerous shops. She had plans to buy a present for her father as well as for her little brother. By the time we reached the place, we were all-the-more tired. (We had chosen to go-by-foot to the complex rather than spending an extra 10 Rupees to an auto. As I told you, we were very thoughtful!). We were puffing and panting and our stomachs were rumbling. We came to a halt in front of ‘Aruna Restaurant’. It took us only a moment’s hesitation in deciding what to do! But once we were inside, we decided it would be better to order parcels for us so as we could take them to hostel and eat in peace.
We went to the shopping complex and started our work. We went to almost all the shops in the building but couldn’t find anything suitable for neither her father nor her brother. We thought its better to go the nearest market. Luckily we found the things we sought for in the first stop itself. I sighed with relief. Shopping was definitely tiring. But it was fun too. Finally, we accomplished all our chores and came out of the market. We were talking quite animatedly suddenly when Lakshmi gave a squeal. I couldn’t quite make out the reason for her sudden change in mannerism. My eyes slowly rowed down to the source of her displeasure. It took me no time to find out the reason. Her eyes were glued to her purse, which I realized with quite fervour, was almost empty. In fact there were only a few coins in there.
She asked in a small voice. “Have you got money to pay for the food?” I opened my purse and counted out the money. It added up to 65. I looked at her. She took out her coins that were residing at the very bottom of her purse. It contributed another 5 to our whole amount. It was my turn to look disgruntled. Her eyes said very clearly “Lets not go to the restaurant. The bill will definitely be more than this amount”. But I convinced her we should go ahead and collect the food. (I had done a rough calculation and I was damn sure that the amount would not be more than 70!). Rather apprehensively we climbed the steps to the hotel. On seeing us, the man at the counter took the parcel and gave it to me. But it was not the parcel that I wanted to see. I wanted to get hold of the bill. After what seemed like ages he took out the bill and thrust it into my hand. I looked down to the bottom part of the bill and looked at Lakshmi standing beside me with her mouth wide open.
The bill said it costs us 76 Rupees. I was rather shocked. I looked up the contents to check if it was really our bill or not. That was when I saw the price of each item against it. The hotel had increased at least 4 Rupees for every item. No doubt, the hotel was also going through its own phase of recession! I didn’t have a clue about what to do. I even thought about talking to the man about our present state-of-condition and get a discount of 6 Rupees. But Lakshmi wouldn’t budge. She thought it was too much to ask for! She had another fabulous idea of running away from the hotel to which I wouldn’t agree. (Because we had to visit that hotel again in the future and it would do us no good to be on their black lists!). We stood our ground for exactly 2 minutes. My head was fuming with the exertion of thinking of a solution and with each passing moment our embarrasement was becoming evident on our faces. The man at the counter was looking enquiringly at our sweating faces. I almost gave up thinking when suddenly I spotted three figures on the road opposite to us. I almost hip-hoped with relief. They were our fellow hostel mates. I put Lakshmi in charge of the parcel and ran to them. I took a note of 10 from them and ran back with twice the speed. We paid the bill and literally jumped down the steps to the main road. We had another story to tell our friends!
Wednesday
Today was a hectic day. Almost everyone in my hostel room had gone home for the ‘fun-filled’ study leave. One of my friends, Lakshmi and me were the only ones left out. After the day’s tiring class, we decided to go for shopping. We were to go home the very next day. It didn’t bother us in the slightest that we were going through a tough phase of ‘recession’ ourselves. She had some 300 Rupees with her whereas I had a meagre 200 with me. As erratic as we were with our money-spending strategies, she decided it would be better to keep a 100 safe at hostel so as to get back home safe and sound. I meekly followed her. Mainly because I didn’t trust myself when it came to spending money. After the safe-keeping of the money, we headed straight to the nearest shopping complex.
It was a huge building with numerous shops. She had plans to buy a present for her father as well as for her little brother. By the time we reached the place, we were all-the-more tired. (We had chosen to go-by-foot to the complex rather than spending an extra 10 Rupees to an auto. As I told you, we were very thoughtful!). We were puffing and panting and our stomachs were rumbling. We came to a halt in front of ‘Aruna Restaurant’. It took us only a moment’s hesitation in deciding what to do! But once we were inside, we decided it would be better to order parcels for us so as we could take them to hostel and eat in peace.
We went to the shopping complex and started our work. We went to almost all the shops in the building but couldn’t find anything suitable for neither her father nor her brother. We thought its better to go the nearest market. Luckily we found the things we sought for in the first stop itself. I sighed with relief. Shopping was definitely tiring. But it was fun too. Finally, we accomplished all our chores and came out of the market. We were talking quite animatedly suddenly when Lakshmi gave a squeal. I couldn’t quite make out the reason for her sudden change in mannerism. My eyes slowly rowed down to the source of her displeasure. It took me no time to find out the reason. Her eyes were glued to her purse, which I realized with quite fervour, was almost empty. In fact there were only a few coins in there.
She asked in a small voice. “Have you got money to pay for the food?” I opened my purse and counted out the money. It added up to 65. I looked at her. She took out her coins that were residing at the very bottom of her purse. It contributed another 5 to our whole amount. It was my turn to look disgruntled. Her eyes said very clearly “Lets not go to the restaurant. The bill will definitely be more than this amount”. But I convinced her we should go ahead and collect the food. (I had done a rough calculation and I was damn sure that the amount would not be more than 70!). Rather apprehensively we climbed the steps to the hotel. On seeing us, the man at the counter took the parcel and gave it to me. But it was not the parcel that I wanted to see. I wanted to get hold of the bill. After what seemed like ages he took out the bill and thrust it into my hand. I looked down to the bottom part of the bill and looked at Lakshmi standing beside me with her mouth wide open.
The bill said it costs us 76 Rupees. I was rather shocked. I looked up the contents to check if it was really our bill or not. That was when I saw the price of each item against it. The hotel had increased at least 4 Rupees for every item. No doubt, the hotel was also going through its own phase of recession! I didn’t have a clue about what to do. I even thought about talking to the man about our present state-of-condition and get a discount of 6 Rupees. But Lakshmi wouldn’t budge. She thought it was too much to ask for! She had another fabulous idea of running away from the hotel to which I wouldn’t agree. (Because we had to visit that hotel again in the future and it would do us no good to be on their black lists!). We stood our ground for exactly 2 minutes. My head was fuming with the exertion of thinking of a solution and with each passing moment our embarrasement was becoming evident on our faces. The man at the counter was looking enquiringly at our sweating faces. I almost gave up thinking when suddenly I spotted three figures on the road opposite to us. I almost hip-hoped with relief. They were our fellow hostel mates. I put Lakshmi in charge of the parcel and ran to them. I took a note of 10 from them and ran back with twice the speed. We paid the bill and literally jumped down the steps to the main road. We had another story to tell our friends!
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