The Shadows Speak!

PAST:

27th April 2009


The last three days...  It is keeping on happening to me... I have been having the same dream since the last three days... The same day broad light... Wails could be heard at regular intervals but they were subdued... People streaming all around me... But all the same, there was the same sense of peace of mind... My mind was calm... Though my lips were trembling... My heart rhythm was normal... Even though I was grieving I didn’t let it show...

I really have no idea of my purpose of being there in the middle of nowhere... But I guess it really wasn’t me… I don’t know who it was… I don’t know what to think… I could see three children in front of me… They looked so sad that my heart went out to them… But I was also in the same state of mind… I was also one among them…

The only problem was that I wasn’t sure whether they could see me!


PRESENT:

I was always an intuitive person. Things seemed to happen to me and somehow I always get the wind before-hand itself. I end up with a feeling of déjà-vu almost 98% of times. I keep asking myself whether I am psychic. Or in other words, Gifted? Hell… I really have no way of knowing the truth unless the God Almighty himself bestow upon me and show me the reality. I doubt whether I have the patience to wait till then! What the heck! I could use my Gift here.

My best friend’s mother was seriously ill at that period of time in the Past. Nevertheless, we were hopeful. Fucking hopeful. I sincerely believed his mother would live another 20 or 30 years. It was with unnerving clarity that I began having the aforementioned dreams. Each of the three nights, I woke up startled with the screams ringing hollowly in my ears. I have never felt so alone in my life. I somehow knew it was related to my friend’s mother. Well, don’t question how! Again, my Gift came into play. I wanted to confide the recurrence of the dreams with someone very badly. I seeked Anup’s help. He advised me not to breathe a word to Prashu (My best friend, of course!).

I heeded to his advice and kept silent for a few hours (that was the maximum I could do!). I rang Prashu up and related the whole matter to him. He was uncannily silent. I cursed myself. Again and Again.

Some days later, to be precise, a month later, his mother passed away. Everything was a blur in my mind in those days. Nothing really registered. He went to Haridwar to do the funeral obsequies. It was then everything became crystal clear in my mind’s eye. The place I saw in my dreams was Haridwar, the place where the River Ganga enters the Indo-Gangetic Plains of North India. Regarded as one of the seven holiest places to Hindus. Most of all, I feel the great need to mention the simple fact that, I have never been to this place. EVER. Still, I saw the lands and the structures which formed the place. Heard the wind. The noises. Am I really losing my marbles? No fucking idea! It was time to question my sanity.

Somehow, I believe, God was showing me Something. I hope he hadn’t. But, frankly, I have gotten used to these premonitions. They might end now. This minute. Or never. He alone knows!


PAST AGAIN:

My diary says…

N.B I hope to God that its nothing related to him. Please... I don’t want anything like that to happen now... I lost my peace of mind though my dream-self has it in abundance!


To Be Continued(Hopefully)…

Finally...

Finally, my BTech life is over (hopefully!). The last four years were fun. Of course, there were times of uncertainty too. Which came in the form of ‘unwanted’ semester exams and all the more useless series exams. I still remember the day I first entered my hostel. Its still fresh in my memory. But the past four years flew by me. Of course, there is a load of memories waiting to get sorted in my mind. The things that have happened at the college... At the hostel… On the roads… Nothing can erase them, really. The first year passed by me rather slowly. The main events that occurred during this period was ‘getting to know him/her’. I was rather quiet and withdrawn (the exact opposite of my usual self!). The hostel life was altogether a new experience for me. Living among strangers was not exactly my idea of fun.


As the course progressed into its second year, I became acquainted with a majority of my classmates. My room mates were fun to be with. During the leisure time we had had at our hostel (which constituted the time from 8.00 pm to 9.30 pm), the eight of us in my room got together and used to talk about almost everything under the sun. The topics for discussion were never sparse. I can never really forget the time of study leave right before the exams. Except for the really painful job of writing the exams, the rest of the study time remained eventful. It was during this time that we really got into the ‘active’ stage.


The first few semester exams (we had a long line of 7 semester exams of 8 exams each!) were taken seriously and everyone tried to study and cover maximum portions as possible. By the time we got to the 8th semester exams, no one (no more) tried to waste much time in studies. It was a rather well-known fact that it is purely luck that guides us through the evaluation. The Kerala University was very keen on putting us through the worst conditions (even worse for the next batch of students to come, surely!) possible thereby making us viable to any situations.


As I look back, I can see the paths I have woven my life through. There were a lot of mistakes done. But more than the mistakes, I was myself these four years. I was home. As much as I loved my hostel life, we eight didn’t keep any outside contacts. We mostly kept to ourselves. We never bothered to talk to even the next door neighbors. They remained strangers all throughout the years. As I climbed the slope from the hostel to the main road on one of these final days, a few of my next room girls passed by me. As soon as they saw me, they started talking to me. I was dumb founded. As I bade them goodbye and moved on, l realized there were more things that I am going to miss. Even the ‘strangers’.


Everything has come to an end. The things left unfinished remain as such. Now, memories... They are all what I have got to carry myself onto the next path. God alone knows what awaits me there…

The things we did, the things we said

Keep coming back to me and make me smile again

You showed me how to face the truth

Everything that's good in me I owe to you!

Though the distance that's between us

Now may seem to be too far

It will never seperate us

Deep inside I know you are

Never gone, never far

In my heart is where you are!

Always close, everyday

Every step along the way

Even though for now we've gotta say goodbye

I know you will be forever in my life!